Breathe (2AM)

Thank you all for your comments, I'l respond to them soon. (not because I feel I have to, because I want to)

It's 2am.

I just purged the Go Ahead bar, haha, 7(?) hours later. This is my plan?

Charlotte, if you read this, the entire time we were speaking, I had food inside of me, and you made it seem alright. Thank you so much, for everything. Thank you all.

I feel weak. Weaker than usual. I'm afraid, I'm afraid of the same thing occuring today. I'm tempted to ask my mum if she could drive me to college, but I need to be out of the house by 7am. I don't want to trouble her. I don't want to trouble anybody.

My heart keeps beating really fast, then beating extremely slow.

When I die, I'd like to go in my sleep.

I'm pulling an all-nighter, tonight.

Not connected, just saying.

I'd love to be oblivious.

But I'd hate to be so foolish.

I'm getting blood tests done, after exams.

EDTA
K EDTA
Serum, SST.  

?

I'm terrified that I may be diabetic.

I always figured I'd die before getting to the stage of applying for university.

I decided on my 5 choices in a matter of minutes.

I confirmed choices on the 8th of May.

I left student finance until the last minute.

I still have some stuff left to sort out.

I feel as if I've given up, even going through the motions is becoming difficult.

I'd still like to live forever.

Things need to change.

I've been saying that for years.

I don't remember the date.

I don't remember what I was wearing.

I feel like a fraud.

I will always hate myself for not shouting out.

I have 3 months.

I can either spend it trying to fix what is left

or I can just rot away.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you'd only try turning around.

I gain weight on my nose and my breast area. I can't handle having breasts. Even the word makes me want to vomit.

(!)