I Must Be Emo. (lol)

I rarely read, now. I just realised. It's already halfway through the year (over), and I've probably read less than 5 books? I used to read five books within the space of five days. I barely do anything, anymore. Other than eat and purge and eat and purge and not eat for days and then eat and purge. I just want to cry. I want to just sit and fucking cry, but I can't. I rarely sleep. I definitely don't sleep everyday, or even every two days. Maybe go without sleep for three days, sleep for two hours, don't sleep again for two days, crash and sleep half a day away, don't sleep again for another four days. I don't know. I don't know. I try and make this blog look pretty. lol. Because right now, everything is ugly. Everything. I haven't revised. I haven't revised. I haven't revised, and I'm going to fail. I won't get into Goldsmiths. I'm a failure. I just feel so sad. All the time. All the time.

It's funny. Or pathetic? But I find it funny, how I haven't got a single friend to show for these past seven years. I mean, I have "friends", and I have people that I get on with and I guess I'd be described as being "popular", whatever the fuck that means, but ultimately, I am going to leave college with not even a single person that I can call a friend. Nobody that I know I'll make the effort to meet up with. Nobody whose number I have memorised, from making regular calls. Because I don't do that. Nobody that I'll feel bothered enough to wish a Happy New Year or a Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday, xo! I do it to myself. I never make enough effort, and I let people go, and then I spend years thinking of the memories.

Memories treat me better than people.

I just want to be invisible. I want to be invisible. I don't want to be seen. Please, can I just become invisible.

I'm so sad. I'm always sad. But others have it much worse, so I should just shhhhh.

People who are officially following me will end up regretting it, as I'm going to spam the shit out of this! Haha. I feel bad about how I left things with my other blog, but even logging into that account made me feel sick and made me want to rip myself to shreds and just cry for hours. I don't know why.

It's the memories.

Gosh, I miss so much.