I feel weird writing about this

I have been through many, many things, due to this.

Many stages.

Many different actions.

Eat "normally" + binge and then purge the binge.

No food.

Eat whenever I have to + purge.

Binge/no purge.

Right now, 

I don't eat unless I plan to do so, beforehand, and I don't eat "normally".

I plan binges.

Huge binges.

I can go days without food, because I know when I'll next eat.

I purge everything, to the point of blood. (since September 2010)

I know this isn't good.

I know this isn't healthy.

I've had disordered eating my entire life

as well as bad body image.

I hate myself

and I hate my body

and I will most likely continue to do this, until I die.

I am in no way "pro-ana", and I hate all that shit.

I do sometimes look at "thinspo", but not for inspiration; some images are beautiful, and it has nothing to do with the bodies within them.

I don't know if anybody will ever read this; I used to have another blog, with quite a significant amount of followers. (f*ckedupappendix) I've lost touch.

I've lost touch with everything and everyone.

But I still have this.

I am currently in college, studying English Literature, HSC and Sociology, however technically I have finished, but I still have my exams left to do.

I am planning on studying English Literature at university.

I have done barely any revision, because all I can think of is not eating/binging and purging/how fat and ugly and worthless I am.

I love life.

I really do.

I just don't love myself.